All Iron distance races challenge and if you let them, they will challenge in every way possible. It is up to you to do your very best to control what and how much that challenge may be. It is your sole responsibility to control the things you can and let go of the things you cannot, in every aspect of the event, both on and off the course. Iron distance races commanded respect and Ironman Wisconsin is in no way any different. Respect the race or pay a heavy price, those are your only choices. Respect must come early and continue until your final step or until Mike Reilly calls your name.
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| Photo by Bootsy |
I happened upon a tweet a few months ago that I later looked back for but to no avail, I couldn't find it. At the time it was just another quote rolling down my twitter feed. I read it without much thought but little did know at the time, the words I haphazardly breezed across were the definition of what had been for me the past two and a half years.
For the two seasons leading up to this past Spring I had some niggles. Niggles being the chosen word because no one, especially a male, wants to admit to injury. Injury is an unspoken truth. Injury is weakness. Injury is regression.
But those two seasons are in the past and even at an age where recovery comes a little slower the body has a surprising resilience, an ability to heal and moving on. But the mind can be a completely different animal.
The afore mentioned tweet said something along the lines of "train to thrive not survive". There is a big difference between the two! Over the past two seasons I had been training with one sole and corrupt purpose, to survive. Although I didn't realize it at the time, my only goal for each workout, each day, and each race was to simply get through it, to survive and nothing more.
You train differently when you are training not to get hurt or to not re-injure yourself. My body had done its part but I had been left with a mind that had not been able to do the same. I had lost sight of any kind of mental toughness. I found that I had separated myself from the commitment to training first. The commitment to be out training when the weather is bad, the attitude is bad or the body felt bad under the stress of an Ironman build. I finally had it, my excuse. My reason to take it easy. To stay home when it rained and/or when I mentally just didn't want it. If I push I will re-injure myself, right? My head had been completely removed from the game.
When you live with a world class athlete who is as mentally tough as any person you have ever met, it's supposed to rub off a little. Bootsy is a machine! She has the ability to get through the most wretched stretch of training no matter what or how she is feeling. She just flat gets it done. She pushes me to do the same but only as much as she feels she can. She pushes because she cares and wants to see me do well, but ultimately she understand it's my race, it's my journey.
We all face limiters in life, be them self imposed or not. Limiters can be as simple as time itself. My true limiter for Ironman Wisconsin was my mind and how it elected to use time.
Madison Wisconsin - Sunday, September 7th. 2014.
The weather is predicted to be absolutely perfect, low to mid 70's with some late afternoon cloud cover and winds at 3 mph with gusts to 5 mph. You can't ask for anything better then that.
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| Lake Monona and swim start. Photo by Bootsy |
We are up early and out the door. A struggle with nutrition is already underway but I felt I was controlling it as I continued to take liquid calories almost until start time. Not a perfect approach to race day nutrition but it was the best I could do on this day. Liquids were the only thing I could keep down. Trust me, I tested solids earlier in the day. No love!
Leading up to this race I had been terrified of the water. Any discomfort came from the pool so I just refused to go. I flat wouldn't get in the water. So about three times a week I got the same text from Bootsy "You swimming tonight?" and the answer was always the same.
I swam less then I ever have or as "some" may argue not at all. I was in the pool a handful of times leading up to Troika and then Calgary but I honestly believed I would swim more as Ironman Wisconsin approached. It didn't happen. Some of it was timing of the race and a professional avalanche that comes this time of year but that wasn't everything. I was as mentally disengaged from swim fitness as I could have ever been.
The Swim -
In a word - uneventful. You get what you pay for so this was one of my slowest swims but not that far off what I normally would expect to swim on a percentage basis.
There has been a change to the swim course since I last raced here. It's now a single loop course and for an athlete who positioned himself to far back at the start, a single loop course was a welcome change. The pack had thinned by the second turn and I was able to settle in.
Swim exit is unique in the fact that you leave the shore to run up the helix, a spiral car ramp of the parking garage of the convention center. The helix is absoultly packed with people and the long run goes by very quickly but it does give me time to look into the eyes of the spectators drawing energy as I pass.
T1 - It's in a board room in the convention center. Kind of cool, crusing the hallways of what is a beautiful building overlooking Lake Monona in full race mood. A quick change and throw down a gel as I head to the sunscreen station.
The Bike -
Having run up the helix on the east end of the building, you ride down the helix on the west end of the building.
The bike course takes you out a 16 mile what will be an out and back section where you complete two 40 mile loops on an oval course in the Wisconsin farm land. So you ride out, do two loops then ride back to town. Because the majority of the ride is completed outside of Madison proper, there are buses to get the spectators out to view the ride. These buses dump the spectators at three very specific spots. There are three shortish (or longish depending on what part of the country you come from. I did hear some flat landers doing some whining out there. If you're from the midwest where the largest hills are the overpasses on your local highway then these hills are longish) steep hills were the fans are deliver. You put bus loads of people in sections of the course that are less the a quarter mile in length, you create quit an atmosphere. An atmosphere that I would liken to a mountain stage at the Tour de France. The atmosphere is electric, alive and in your face. And yes the devil makes an appearance.
The plan was to take the first loop very easy, which I did. I rode along enjoying the atmosphere and the beauty of the Wisconsin farm land. But as the miles slid by my stomach become more and more stressed and by the time I made my way around the first loop and back to special needs anything I put in was met with a gag reflex.
On the second loop my stomach continued down its path of non acceptance and as I drew near to the turn back to Madison I was reduced to trying to get simple water to stay down. I could sip very small amounts and with some effort I could get it down. I was thirsty but I couldn't deliver the hydration in quantities that would support my need.
As the miles passed my pace slowed and on the final 16 mile section back to town it was time to start forcing nutrition. There would be no way to chase calories I had missed but I would be forced to get something in or be faced with a decision in T2 of whether or not I could go on.
I slowed, even pulling over from time to time as I tried to get in a quarter or maybe as much as a half gel in. As I road along I watched and listened for other racers, trying to time any feeding so that no one else was in the immediate area. If the nutrition was rejected I didn't want a fellow competitor to pay the price.
T2 - Took my time changing. I nursed a gel and a few ounces of water. I stopped at the sunscreen station before heading out on the run course.
The Run -
The first few miles of the marathon went better then I ever thought they would, I was running. I walked the aid stations searching for anything I could get in but was having limited success. Poor hydration had led to cramping but I was able to walk them off.
By mile eleven I was in trouble and I knew it. How much trouble would play out in the later miles of the marathon. That is if I could get to the later miles.
Reality - it can shift and change as the race progresses. Reality can be fluid and it can crush you.
I have always been aware of how harsh reality can be but I'd never been asked to face it squarely in a race. Yes, I have had some struggled in other races but this was different, this was deeper.
As I approached mile 14, I was still in search of a combination of nutrition I could get in and keep down. I was back to strictly water having tried bits of gels, energy drink, cola and at this late hour of the race, chicken broth. As my blood sugar slipped I was left to wonder, could I finish.
I continued going through a series of checks that ultimately boiled down to "can I run". Am I physically able to continue to run because it's a manifestation of deterioration and once I crossed that line to no longer being able to physically run, could I get back?
Time is an absolute reality. I thought if walked the last 8 to 10 miles it would take another 2 or 3 hours to get to the finish. As I pressed on time was replaced with distance. Not the distance to the finish line but the distance of how far I could go before my ability to move forward would stop. Not because I chose to stop but because my body no longer had the ability to move forward.
I have raced a few of these Iron distance races but this is the first time a DNF (Did not finish) had become a absolute reality. At this point in the race I truly believed I could not finish. That my nutrition would run out and I would no longer be able to move forward. A sobering moment for sure.
Night had fallen and it was very dark along the lake Mendota. As I walked through the total blackness I took stock. I wondered what this race meant to me and what a DNF would mean to an already soft mental approach to racing. As I worked the mental side of the game, my body seemed to be recovering a bit. I would continue to walk but I was able to get a few ounces of cola and chicken broth down.
By mile 20 I was back to a run/walk but I was able to run, all be it for only short distances at a time. This is where the race changed for me, I now thought I could finish. I had come from a mind set of just keep moving until I no longer can or someone pulls me off the course to, if I just keep moving I'm going to finish this thing.
In a lot of ways this race was a real disappointment and a boarder line disaster. I didn't show the proper respect to the race, to myself or to all those that support me in this crazy pursuit. In some ways I take pride in this race. I face a very dark reality and persevered, getting to the finish line.
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| The athlete is blurry because it after dark, not because he is moving at a high rate of speed. |
The ability to race the way I would like to race takes balance, anticipation and patience. But racing is also about the mind. It is about owning ones body and the race is just an extension of that body.
Bootsy raced well here in Madision so she again was on the podium. So we went to the awards ceremony to celebrate her accomplishment. We arrived early and found a table with plenty of room. As the ceremony approached and people filtered in, a very nice and genuine group asked if they could join us at our table. They made idle conversation about the race never letting on that they were pros and one of them had come second on the day. They were just athletes congratulating us all on finishing.
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| Bootsy on the podium. |
Pro athletes within competition may at times be confused for someone who is selfish and egotistical. Try to say hello during a race or workout, it most likely will not elicit a response. But to be a champion you must have no ego at all, giving yourself over completely to the race. Confidence and self awareness can never be confused with egotism.
So it's time apply these lessons to my racing, my training, to my journey. Time to get my head in the game and to give myself back to the race - Ironman Arizona awaits.
What Ironman Wisconsin 2014 looked like for the masses - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kB8c0Z891vo
